Why the Greeting Card Industry Hates Unmarried People

This year, on February 11th, I broke up with the American greeting card industry. It was not amicable and I we will not be seeing each other again.

Since the beginning of my 3 year relationship with my boyfriend, whoroses are shut the fuck up for the purposes of this blog, I’ll call Mr. Kayla, I’ve had a rather testy relationship with the greeting card industry. Every time Valentine’s, our anniversary, Mr. Kayla’s birthday, or Christmas rolls around, I steel myself for the unfriendly sight of the greeting card aisle at Target (this is where I’ve had the best luck, grocery stores are have the worst selection, and Hallmark makes me feel funny) and get ready to find tons and tons of great cards of all stripes – from the sappy to the cartoonish, the bible-quoting to the crassiest of the crass – all for married people! This year was no different.

I got to Target at about 7:30, and went straight for the greeting cards, hoping that just this once I could find a card that was clever, but not that “patting yourself on the back” kind of clever; cute, but not saccharine; pretty, but not covered in garish shades of pink and sparkles; and for the love of god, please no Saturday morning cartoon style dogs or other cornball anthropomorphic mammals on the front!

I was doomed.

I could barely find more than ten cards that didn’t say “Husband” or “Wife” on them, much less find anything that met my stringent (but not entirely unreasonable, am I right?!) criteria. After 20 minutes of squeezing past the surprisingly numerous amount of entire families that filled up the greeting card section and double, triple, and quadruple checking that I hadn’t missed my perfect card on the shelves, I finally gave up and went to buy some groceries at Meijer… where, having conceded defeat, I finally settled on a card that made a joke about driving my SO crazy, and how it’s really not that far of a drive. Groan.

While Mr. Kayla laughed at the card, and didn’t seem to mind it at all really, I will still be finding alternatives to commercial greeting cards when his birthday rolls around this June.

Any favorite Etsy shops or other independent sellers? Comment below or send me a tweet with your recommendations!


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